I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
