when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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