Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
