just come out here and I will go home with you...
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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