I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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