So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
