Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
