We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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