woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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