please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
