I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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