she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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