i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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