I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
