Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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