hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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