So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
