you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
