Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
