So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
