I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
