she kept yelling 'call me bella'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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