You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
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You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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