you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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