So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
