I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
