ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
