First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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