I heard we made out
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
