I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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