Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
