We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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