and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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