Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
