Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize