alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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