if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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