I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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