Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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