You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
