The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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