I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
