whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
