The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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