I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
