i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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