I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
