Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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