Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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