tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
