I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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