so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
