They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize