can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
