I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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