Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
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Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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