His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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