I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
