Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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