Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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