uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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