My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
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Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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