don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
