im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize